In my early twenties, I already had a clear vision of life ahead. I saw my Path: a decade or so in the newspaper world, honing my skills, breaking stories, beating deadlines.
Then, loaded with my arsenal of street smarts, I’d return to graduate school, earn a doctorate, and finish my professional life at a university, teaching and writing. Along the way, marriage, 2 or 3 kids, an ivy-laden brick house with a front porch. Being an Iowa girl, I’d probably remain in the Midwest.
The reality of the past 40 years nibbled at those dreams but took many unwielding twists and turns. I was a journalist and did some college teaching but my only graduate degree was a Master’s. Leaving a doctorate on the table has been my biggest professional disappointment and I’ve wallowed in that failure. (Mary, get over yourself.) No books……….yet. Still on the backburner. Roiling.
Marriage was soon followed by the ongoing joy of two daughters. I pulled up my Iowa roots and we headed west twenty-five years ago. Now, here’s the unbelievable part. Never in a million years did I envision, at this point in my life, living in the Mojave Desert with not a corn stalk in sight, in a gated community, with a visual of the Las Vegas Strip! The odds of that were slight to none.
Not that I am complaining. Moving to Nevada seven years ago made good sense and was an excellent destination choice. It’s just that sometimes even I have difficulty getting my arms around where I hang my cap. (Frankly, Las Vegas gets a bad rap but we will leave that for another Post.)
Why am I even writing about this?
The past few months many of my friends have retired, it’s the age for that, so we’ve had many dinner-discussions about our realized life versus our youthful external vision of it. To a person, no one has walked their original path of choice. Most, however, agree that their realized life has forced them to push boundaries while encountering experiences unforeseen in their 20s. Vietnam. The Civil Rights and Feminist Movement. Computers, technological wizardry, and the Social Media. The cup running over with American economic prowess and well-being.
Most expressed satisfaction, congratulating themselves and others, on jobs well done. For the most part, we’ve been happy. And, yes, there have been many ,”Ahhhhh, we were so young and naive,” moments.
May and June have also been a time for college commencement addresses. Delivered to graduates by supposedly accomplished speakers, the speeches are laden with motivational quips, practical life advice and, “the tassel’s worth the hassle” moments. These are the kids who, 40 years into their future, can have their own discussions about the realized life versus their present vision if it.
And, while they, too, will encounter experiences presently unforeseen, the Class of 2011 has already been whacked over the head, suffering a reality check of our making. Fewer jobs. World-wide financial mayhem. Two seemingly unending wars. Crumbling infrastructures. Public education chaos. The list goes on and on.
Many speakers alluded to our present-day turmoil. “Be open to possibilities,” chided television journalist Mary Richardson. “And finally remember if you are terrified that you’ll never get a job and will be living at home when you’re 35, remember your parents are even more terrified by that possibility.”
“You’ve got to be all in,” stressed Samantha Power of the National Security Council.
Samantha Power, National Security Council (AP Photo/Random House, Maria Krovatin)
I loved the comment of Steve Ballmer, Microsoft’s CEO. “People think passion is something you either have or you don’t. People think passion is something that has to manifest itself in some kind of explosive and emotional format. It’s not. It’s the thing that you find in life that you can care about, that you can cling to, that you can invest yourself in, heart, body and soul. Finding passion is kind of your job now.”
A Passionate Steve Ballmer, CEO, Microsoft (tgdaily)
My vote for the best Address this year goes, hands down, to writer Anna Quindlen who spoke to the graduating class at Grinnell College. Here are a few nuggets but I urge you to read her entire speech.
Pulitzer Prize writer Anna Quindlen (the bellforum.com)
—–“Believe me when I tell you that we made a grave error in thinking doing better is mathematical, a matter of the number at the bottom of your tax return. At the end of their lives, all people assess how they’ve done, not it terms of their income, but in terms of their spirit, and I beg you to do the same even if those who came before sometimes failed to do so.”
—– “The voices of conformity speak so loudly. Don’t listen to them. People are going to tell you what you ought to think and how you ought to feel. They will tell you what to read and how to live. They will urge you to take jobs they loathe themselves and to follow safe paths that they themselves find tedious. Don’t do it.”
—–“Our political atmosphere has been so dispiriting because so many of our leaders are leaders in name only. They’re terrorized by polls and focus groups, by the need to be all things to all people, which means they wind up being nothing at all. They’re afraid, to be bold, to be decisive, to be inventive. If they were, they might lose. As it is, they have often lost their way.”
—–”Too often our public discourse fears real engagement. It pitches itself at the lowest possible level, always preaching to the choir so that no one will be angry, which usually means that no one will be interested. What is the point of free speech if we’re always afraid to speak freely?”
—–”Not long ago I asked a professor of religion what she did to suit the comfort level of the diverse group of students in her class. “It is not my job to make people comfortable,” she replied. “It is my job to educate them.” I almost stood up and cheered. If we fear competing viewpoints, if we fail to state the unpopular, or to allow the unpopular or even the unacceptable to be heard because some sense of plain vanilla civility, it’s not civility at all. It’s the denigration of human capacity for thought, the suggestion that we are fragile flowers incapable of disagreement, argument, or civil intellectual combat. Open your mouths. Speak your piece. Fear not.”
My Kudos to the Graduating Class and the Retiring Class of 2011.
French Fridays Thursdays with Dorie – Cold Melon-Berry Soup
Supporting the American Teams in the Tour de France
Today let’s celebrate the best of France: Bastille Day, honoring France’s Independence from the monarchy in 1789; the Tour de France, the world’s premiere cycling competition; and the country’s fine reputation for food, this week’s choice is Dorie’s délicieux Cold Melon-Berry Soup.
Last week-end I went to my local Von’s to purchase Lifesavers. Unable to find them, I asked a clerk for help. She looked at me as if to say, ‘What planet did you just arrive from?Instead she said, “We haven’t sold Lifesavers for years. Try Mentos orIcebreakers.”
Say, what?
Today let’s celebrate the best of France: Bastille Day, honoring France’s Independence from the monarchy in 1789
Mentos and Icebreakers///Walgreens
That’s when I noticed many products on the shelves that were new to me. So, every time I go to the grocery store, I purchase something new…………..and, here’s the catch, I Actually Make MyselfUse It.
Falling Star, 1979, by Romare Bearden, The Kinsey Collection
Recently a male friend asked me how deeply involved I was in the 1970’s feminist movement. The question came-out-of-the-blue, during a rather benign conversation, when I was neither burning my bra nor bashing men.
My answer, “Not at all,” caught him by surprise.
During the feminist movement of the 60s and 70s, just like the civil rights movement, I sat on the sidelines. Always the cheerleader. At the time, I had two babies and a full-time job which left little time for other endeavors. Think, exhaustion.
And, to be truthful, while I recognized the need for an ERA amendment, I never felt discriminated against in my professional journalism career. The reason, I would like to believe, is that I was a fair, ethical, and talented economic/business reporter. The reality, quite frankly, was that I had the “Ink”.
I do remember an incident in the early 80s, when my boss, my publisher, had an altercation with his travel agent over an airplane ticket. Yes, the agent had erred and within an hour she arrived at our office, breathless and red-faced, with his new credentials. Ticket in hand, returning to his office, my boss stopped by my desk and said, with a snicker, “There goes further justification why men should be paid more than women.”
Thinking more about his being a jerk than my being discriminated against, I used my lunch hours that week to successfully land another (and, better) journalism position.
This all came to mind last Friday when I heard that Betty Ford, this country’s First Lady from 1974-1977, had died. Diminutive in size but robust in manner, Mrs. Ford cleared the underbrush, laid low the hedges and pushed the borders for future First Ladies. The women of my generation, then in our 20s and 30s, were in awe of her courage, shocked by her verve and loved her for both. (Well, most of us. The late President Ford often jokingly credited his 1976 election loss [to Jimmy Carter] to the millions of voters who were offended by his wife’s outspoken-ness.)
I am disappointed that we women, who experienced the fight for women’s rights in the Sixties and Seventies, haven’t made it a more important story to share with our daughters. That fact became increasingly transparent during the 2008 Democratic presidential primary when younger women were surprised and dismayed by the tenacity, dedication and, fierceness, not too strong a term, of the Hillary Clinton supporters. Yet, the opportunities and advantages young women are enjoying today were won off the backs of those supporters.
That’s why I believe it’s now important to recognize and honor Mrs. Ford’s contributions.While her legacy will always be The Betty Ford Center, an addiction and alcoholism clinic, the trip that brought that facility about is arguably more significant. What Mrs. Ford did for women is immeasurable and her journey needs to be remembered by us. Betty Ford enabled Cancer, Alcoholism, Addiction, Abortion and Teen-age Sex to become acceptable American “talking points.”
Two months after her husband became president, Mrs. Ford was diagnosed with breast cancer resulting in a radical mastectomy to her right breast followed by two years of chemotherapy. In 1974, cancer was not openly discussed. The “C”-word was only whispered. Radical mastectomy, shhhh. Mrs. Ford used her illness as an opportunity to crash through that glass ceiling, allowing this sad news to be blasted to the world. Women heaved a collective sign of relief, and, according to The New York Times, “within days, 10,000 letters, more than 500 telephone calls, more than 200 telegrams and scores of floral arrangements” poured into our nation’s capital.
She used her bully pulpit to support cancer awareness and encourage women to schedule yearly breast cancer examinations. She openly supported the Equal Rights Amendment and applauded Roe v. Wade, legalizing abortion, (her husband did not). She successfully conquered addiction and alcoholism, discussed her feelings of uselessness, emptiness and loss of self-worth, experienced but not acknowledged, by countless middle-aged women, including, in later years, yours truly.
Betty Ford “humanized” being an American woman, allowing us to admit and confront our fears and frailties, our weaknesses and strengths, without apology.
For that, I salute her, am grateful and will always honor her memory.
If you’re watching your calories these days, and, who isn’t, this luncheon item reeks of yumminess. As Dorie puts it, “The Tartine Régime, (or, diet tartine), is extremely popular among ladies-who-lunch in Paris, since it is filling, not fattening, pretty but not precious, and, fine for any season.”
Tartine Régime est parfait pour le déjeuner:
The real clue to making this Tartine so tasty is the nonfat fromage blanc spread which is sometimes difficult to find in American stores. But, Dorie, being ever so clever, provides a superb substitute. Because I encourage you to use this spread on other sandwiches, I want to share the recipe with you:
Nonfat Fromage Blanc américain – Whisk 6 tablespoons cottage cheese to 2 tablespoons sour cream. Salt and Pepper to taste. Refridgerate overnight.
I Love this Tartine. Vive La France!
Fromage Blanc on Country Bread, Tomatoes, Cucumbers, & Chives-a Wow
